long gone

2011-08-09T07:16:00.001-07:00

This constant ache of emotions eats me from the inside as my exterior shows no pain..

I think its better this way,I dont think im very easy to be handled and I feel that its just wise to carry on with your lives without my presence.
I feel that the purpose of my existence is to be alone in this over populated world.Somewhere where there is serenity.Somewhere where there is no technology.Just me,the green grass and the blue sky above me.I dont belong in anyone's lives.
If I've managed to touch your lives,then its a blessing for me.For it shall be the only mark to show of my existence.All I feel like saying to all of you now is thank you and goodbye

2010-12-15T12:43:00.000-08:00

this blog is ought to be dead due to my lack of passion in blogging.However,I realised that I need to express my feelings that I've been keeping since the end of school year. (warning:I might be a bit too emotional in this post)

To be honest,even before I sat for the 'O' levels,I was afraid that our friendship will slowly disappear.I didn't want to be separated from you (or any of the rest) because you are one of my solid rocks in my life.With all this solid rocks combined,I am able to stand up for myself with confidence and with a strong heart.Since the end of our secondary school year,my priorities suddenly changed and I realised that I have to be independent and earn my own money to reduce the burden on my family.Fortunately,I found a job so that I could start being in dependant.However,my commitment to my work has cause me to be further apart from you(and the rest).There was no time for me to go out with you or even text you or even just to meet you for a minute.My solid rocks are slowly separating because of my commitment to earn some extra cash.I feel alone whenever I decline any outings and always repeating the same reason "I have to work."
I bet you are pissed and you might just get tired of inviting me because I might just decline again and again.I am pissed at myself too but I need to carry on with my work.This month might be my most hectic month because of Christmas and new year back-to-back.I do pray that I will have more freedom in the following months.
All I'm saying is that I am sorry for not being able to go out with you.I do feel jealous whenever I read on FB that you and the rest are enjoying yourself with the presence of others around you.My insecurities are getting the better of my and I wish that I could just disappear forever.Some day,we will meet and catch-up about life my friend.I've missed out so much in your life.

Its already 5.11am and I still have 1.5 more hours before I end my shift..

2010-07-20T06:55:00.001-07:00

im basically here to rant on what is going on in my life.This year has been one heck of a roller coaster ride for me.Emotionally,the overwhelming stress for my upcoming examinations has left me with dark circles.Everyday I wake feeling exhausted and just worrying because time is running out before I even know it.
Im also a nervous wreck waiting for Direct Poly Admission results.People around me are getting called for interviews whereas Im here trying to convince myself that its not meant for me.However,it is not convincing at all!Im feeling pissed at happy faces around me.I feel like saying "STFU!I know you got it,just leave me alone!".Kinda mean though..
Im getting sick of dwelling in my own low-self esteem.Sometimes it really sucks being a girl.To much emotions going through in a second.To many worries around you and most importantly,to much pressure from the stupid media.
gosh!what a life!

2010-05-27T08:54:00.000-07:00

i realise that im really that anti-social(or maybe people assume that im too arrogant to be nice with)
i read about 'some people' who meet with others and go out with others to town and all and I realise that my only friends are the ones in my class and a2..other than that .........nobody else.
i honestly feel kind of pathetic and lonely.
im sick and tired of their attitude towards me,i AM sensitive okay and im tired of paying attention to your problems cause you dont give a shit about my feelings.when you see others you will surely leave you behind and I will too!
you dont even say Hi to me or even aknowledge me,what kind of a friend are you?
im tired of this.WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!
i hate myself right now for being so jealous that they have more friends to go out with and they are more popular compared to the average-me.
not to mention that my malay o levels is in 4 days time.i really feel like drowning myself with sleeping pills and just let go..
i cant take it anymore.

2009-08-21T06:37:00.001-07:00

2009-07-31T05:14:00.000-07:00

Momento Mori
remember that you are mortal

2009-07-06T01:18:00.000-07:00

I think that this poem really represents what Im feeling for the past 4 years.Who says growing up would be easy?

Drifting
by Kit McCallum

I sometimes find I'm drifting

Through this life without effect;

I often wonder if

I'm truly

Worth what I've been blessed.

I search through days that have been hard,

To try to understand,

The many trials that I have known,

The life that I have had.

You see me in my daily grind,

So confident and strong;

Yet when I am alone,

I question

Just where I belong.

I often try too hard I find,

To analyze and guess,

To scrutinize, investigate

My life I will confess.

For somewhere deeper,there must be

Some meaning to this life,

Some way to make a difference,

Give a reason for this strife.

Is there some hidden meaning?

Some agenda to be found?

A greater purpose waiting

If I care to hang around?

It teases and it taunts me,

Always slightly out of sight;

A hazy vision out of reach,

Where darkness hides the light.

I struggle to bring clarity

To what awaits me there,

And yet this weak illusion

Always fades before my stare.

It seems the harder that I try,

To focus through the haze,

Just serves to add more questions,

Through my endless, tired gaze.

Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,

To understand it all,

For can we ever truly know

Just what we have in store?

Each incident, each moment passed,

Just adds upon the next,

But in the end, will I find truth ...

Or will I be perplexed?

Perhaps I make it harder

Than it has to be sometimes,

But will my searching bring to me

My meaning over time?

Or will it leave me broken,

And confused as I feel now,

While questions bring no solitude,

To this, my wrinkled brow.

When you are sad or feeling down,you know you are living..

Im on the right track(:

2009-07-01T05:10:00.000-07:00

I have this sudden decision to delete this blog,Im tired of updating about my life which is very normal.Go school,study,daydream,go home,sleep,wake up,go school.....and it goes on.
On the other hand,I want to make this blog private and ONLY for myself so that i can write down anything and everything.
June holidays have been a whirlwind for me.My life won't be the same anymore.
My mom did not neglected me,she just can't live with us that much anymore.Im going on with my life well,I think.
I wonder if my future is going to be better than how it is right now?I don't want to be like this in the future,no more of this..

2009-06-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

Chanto ore ga iru kara
Sutto soba ni iru kara

2009-06-22T07:38:00.000-07:00

She Walks
by Jeffrey Carter

She walks along this lonely street
no one to dry her tears
massage her tired feet
or calm ever present fears
Seeing life through tainted heart
making everything gray
Alone, her life, anew to start
Always searching for a way
But life goes on no matter what
That fact she cannot quell
Memories never to be forgot
Within her heart they dwell
So she keeps walking this lonely street
Keeps searching to find her way
Every night she lies down to sleep
And prays tomorrow's a better day

2009-06-20T06:48:00.000-07:00

eh!did you guys know that I caught a hamster a couple of weeks ago?it was a funny yet long story so I wont type it all down.
anyway,that hamster is really irritating these days you know.!

been watching tons of Japanese dramas during the school holiday(mind you,I DID study okay) but I've yet to touch on my homeworks.
If any of you want to watch any Japanese shows,I recommend Hana Kimi and Gokusen 1,2,3!
Hana Kimi is super hilarious whereas Gokusen is more about school life and such.
note that I'm putting this random post just to update my blog(:

2009-06-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

NEW YORK - "Twilight" star Robert Pattinson was hit by a taxi in New York as he tried to run away from a crowd of hysterical teenage fans, but he was not seriously injured, U.S. media reported.

so suey.

& i swear that hair treatment made my day,i look totally diff. with the hairstyle.Plus have you ever imagine syaza with straight hair?

see the curls..

imagine the shock-face I had when syaza's hair isn't curly anymore..

anyways,i had fun today.We must save at least a dollar a day okay syaka?(:

syaza and kikie,
sitting on a tree
c-o-u-n-ting money!

2009-06-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

you guys should watch these two korean girls singing:D

I think Hannah Montanna's Hoedown Throwdown is addictive,I manage to do all the steps..TEEHEE!seriously,its easy and fun when you're doing it with your friends and making a fool out of yourself(:

2009-06-17T02:58:00.000-07:00

since its bringing up controversy and so many misunderstanding,I shall bring down my previous post.
Im sorry for causing hurt to you.I've learned that I must listened to BOTH side of the story before concluding.
but I will never forgive the spammer for that person should have at least talked bout his/her point of view and not write down hate tags on my tagboard.
Sorry for the whole drama.

2009-06-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

actually through this,I found out that there are people out there who are concern about me.I'm really blessed to have everyone of them,no matter from class or NP or even the apek at the coffee shop.I know that there are people who WILL be there for me when I'm going through a rough time..
& there are people who even check out my blog whom i thought would never go to my blog and with the spammer my blog is getting interesting.DARN!i should have join nuffnag(or sth) for sponsor..aiyoo.!

and to the spammer
go tag some more on my blog,go on.I will still reply you though.I WILL FIGHT FOR MY RIGHT!
about my previous post,its my choice to write it.why?did it make you sad ):
ITS MY BLOG.MY OPINION!got a problem with that,talk to me face to face(:

2009-06-14T21:38:00.000-07:00

Check out the spammer on my tagboard>>>>
I don't know,but I dont feel sad or angry over it.Why must I be angry over it?
maybe I should take out the tagboard.Its too 'dirty'.

edit.
I've already deleted it.its filled with "smelly cheebye" and stuff.Its so immature.Honestly right,the person can talk face to face right?
all the things that the person said does not reflect about me at all.ME?PROSTITUTE?if Im a prostitute,how bout those minahs on the road?
Oh well,I dont need to prove to anyone about this immature acts.The spammer keeps labelling me as if im the devil.
I have faith in God that nothing bad will affect my life.

Those who give venom,will receive venom.

2009-06-10T03:19:00.000-07:00

I've finally extracted my tooth,but the gum still hurts.I dont even dare to open my mouth,with that I've changed my diet(again) to eating porridge for now.I do hope that I can recover quickly so that I can eat POPCORNS tomorrow.Im super uper excited!
2 more days of class left!woohoo!

2009-06-09T02:08:00.000-07:00

Lately,I've been really sad about everything in my life.Even though there is nothing wrong with my family or myself,I would still find any reason to make my life so miserable and depressed..weird right?
Sometimes I would ponder on questions like "why am I to flabby?" "why can't I be pretty" "why can't I be like her" and that really did not help my self esteem.I think every girl would encounter this(if you dont,then you must be really vain loh..jkjk).
But i've gotten to the point of asking myself, "why do I keep asking why?" can't you be a little bit appreciative for what you have gotten? at least you have clothes,food,a roof above your head,friends and family..do you notice these things?
I realised that im being selfish,always sulking like a small brat and not doing anything useful.I've not done a good job as a daughter and friend have I?
With this realization,I want to change for the better.
So Nur Aqilah Yahya(of the future,no matter 10 or 20 years down the road)..If you suddenly remembered that you used to have a blog when you are secondary school and you are reading this..the 16 year old Aqilah wants to say..."HI!!OMG YOU'RE ME!BUT ALOT MORE OLDER AND WRINKLY(?)!" haha..no..just want to say that we must become SUCCESSFUL & appreciate what we have okay?(Lol!)
i sound so retarded but nevermind,my pasal ah!
ahhh,listening to Gackt-Shima Uta really ease my soul..
okay!back to study!aja aja FIGHTING!(ni case tgk terlalu banyak Korean Drama..)

2009-06-07T02:52:00.001-07:00

I hereby declare that im on a 'noodle only' diet because thats the only type of food that I can swallow without chewing on it.
Honestly,Im excited for tommorrow's lesson and I feel so motivated to study lately but how long will these feelings last?
& just found out that most probably when (and IF) I come back to sec 5, they will ask me to join the campcraft competition,it was expected though.
Actually,after POP I dont really want to be involved in np anymore and especially when its during my most important year.I just want to focus on my studies a 100%.NO distractions.

2009-06-05T02:27:00.000-07:00

there's a baby on the ceiling and he's smiling at me!!

I feel that today (Friday 5th June 2009) is one of my most horrible day ever! *im not exaggerating*
Been having this toothache lately but im not sure on which tooth because both my upper and lower gum was throbbing.To numb the pain I used clove oil which has its side effect (which made my gums white and I had to peel off the layers..disgusting).
So I asked my father to bring me to the polyclinic today.
Woke up with fever and a bad toothache,went to the poly and it turns out that those who are 18 and below are to go the dental hospital or somesort at Outram no matter the circumstances(unless its wisdom tooth).
That infuriated me because its totally rubbish!
What made it worse is that the earliest appointment that can be made at the hospital is early July.ITS NOT EVEN A WEEK OF THE JUNE HOLIDAYS!
Totally wasted our time going to that stupid polyclinic.They all just push their work to others for goodness sake!total bullshit!
Was suppose to go swimming with the rest but my fever ain't getting better and to add on with that,I was having stomach ache.whats wrong with my body today?
super unlucky.

2009-06-04T05:27:00.000-07:00

im really tired right now,
Art was okay i guess,manage to do my 3rd colour.
I think im having fever & I really dont know what to blog about..
haha.. -,-'''

2009-05-29T07:27:00.000-07:00

sometimes,when you are in love there's this stage where you would tell the whole world bout the littlest things that you and your partner did or your partner did something to you and so on.I called it the honeymoon stage(haha!)
I've been noticing these on some people and I'm truly happy for them (including you too bro..).Its a nice thing to see your friends be sincerely happy you know..
but sometimes it can get to the point of rubbing-it-all-over-my-face situation,being envious is another thing but I honestly don't need to know every single detail bout your personal life..it can be quite uncomfortable for me..*laughs awkwardly*
never mind that,im still happy for you(:
as for me........HAHAHA!in my dream eh.

2009-05-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

found out that my EMB3 for mid-years is 20,a shy of one point to go sec 5. 20! okay!im really angry at myself,even if i get 19 pts for my 'n' level.The teachers will persuade me to go to ITE instead.
I expected better from myself and in the end I got 20 points..its so pathetic lah!ITS "N" LEVEL STANDARD FOR GOD SAKE AQILAH!you cannot even get 12 pts?
& its not even 'o' level standard yet.
im really really angry with myself,to add on with that my mood isn't that wonderful today.
maybe due to lack of sleep?im not sure..
from now onwards,I MUST WORK HARDER!
aja,aja!fighting!

2009-05-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

the weather has been unbearable these days.Even now,fanning myself with the mouse pad is not working,
I imagine God having mood swings(haha!).So if its a really hot day,God must be angry & if its raining heavily,God must be really sad..or maybe the other way round since there's lightning which scares the wits out of people and makes us students suffer coming to school drenched which leads to them having to do their examinations bare footed.Hmmm...
Im missing the cooling wind blowing through my some-frizzy-some-not hair while Im engrossed in a very interesting book which made me skip my meals..which equals to losing weight,HAHA!kay no thats not the point..
Now I feel as though im some middle-aged woman drinking coffee and typing about how boring life is lately..
Even so,at least im posting something on my blog right?
Random rantings?who cares..

2009-05-20T03:39:00.000-07:00

sometimes,it seem impossible to think positively.You can't seem to wait any longer.You dont understand why is it only happening to your life.I've been asking this question for a very long time,how long will this last?For how long must I carry on feeling depressed about what me and my family don't have.I dont feel happy in this house but what can I do,I tried being positive.I really do..in the end I still feel like the world is being unfair with me for a very long time but I must not think that way,stop whining girl..at least you have a roof above you.Sometimes I wish that I had more in life,whether is object wise or affection,I just wish I had a lil bit more.Yet,that wish seems to be a far cry from where I am now.
So people,please appreciate what your parents give you.No matter if its an object or TIME from their schedule to go out with you.AT LEAST they are trying to give you happiness.
As for me,I dont think I could understand what it means to go out shopping with your mom or having your dad jokes with you.I would give up anything to feel like I have a normal family.
Guess I was born unlucky aye?

2009-05-17T05:03:00.000-07:00

Okay,its now Sunday,8.03pm.Im feeling scared right now.
Lately i've not been updating my blog due to me being so addicted to shows on youtube.So then when I did read some people's blog..it got me worried.WHATS GOING ON??!
aiyoo,I should have communicate with the others more often.Now im not sure what is happening around me.im really worried to the max!
Please understand..

2009-05-14T02:28:00.000-07:00

Finally,mid-year exam is over!Overall I think i'll get a borderline pass for most of my subjects.Im just really really dissapointed with my Physics.I really want to pass that subject badly!praying that I wont fail that paper again!
3 more days of coursework and its finally over!....before 2 weeks of study camp!AIYO!!

2009-05-04T03:36:00.000-07:00

I've moved on!

like finally!waste my time loh.

time=money=i need to save up from now on..

i got no time for these feaces,its all in god's hand.Im just going to carry on with my life.Plus I got other things to worry about,like this freaking huge pimple all over my face.

My goodness,my face is filled with so many pimples,i could even play 'connect the dots' on my face sia!!

oh well,i just have to be optimistic bout this......HECK NO!there is no advantage of having pimples!

anyway,I know that waiting for ______. is just pathetic.Time healed my wounds and im never going to play this game ever (multiply by a gazilion) times again.I got a better future ahead.

Heck my future is so bright,I got to wear my shades :D

2009-04-30T05:45:00.000-07:00

im really really hungry right now,but I dont want to eat.
I dont want to be happy
im feeling envious of everything around me.
I just want to stoned somewhere dark and alone.
im angry for putting myself in this situation again and again.
like as though things like this are not for me.
for if i meddle with things like love,i will suffer.
uber fantastic..
im really motivated to be rich and stay alone right now..
rich single women living my life & having a walk-in wardrobe!

2009-04-29T23:38:00.000-07:00

yest's social studies was exhausting!didn't manage to answer all my SBQs properly.Essays were better cause I took up almost an hour on it.They should make SS 2 hours instead of 1 hr 3o min!
malay was _________?
im dead tired right now..
and somebody is being really stubborn right now!

2009-04-26T06:18:00.000-07:00

MUST NOT PROCRASTINATE AQILAH!!

2009-04-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

We had our time, it was fun
While it lasted.

I'll look back ,With honor
And no regrets
I won't be mad, won't feel bad
These memories
Will never leave me
Don't be sad
Cause life goes on..

NDP 2009!

9 Sargeants,3 Staff Sargeants,1 Station Inspector
& a whole lot of memories

BAhAhahAHAHAhAHAH!

Sec 2:
Malaysia Trip
Songleader
ATC 2007
Games Day
Victoria Games DAY

Sec 3:
Sec 1 UG Camp
ATC 2008
CAMPCRAFT!
NDP!

Sec 4:
NPAP!
Victoria Games Day
Area 9 Games Day.

Thank you my fellow (GIRLS!) squadmates,you guys are awesome to the max!
forgive me if I hurt your feelings.ILY!
Thank you my fellow (GUYS!) squadmates for all the humourous jokes!
To my fellow friends from other units:
Thank you for coming into my life and making awesome memorires together.Do keep in touch aite!
&
To CIs:
Thank you for all your support,I will always remember you all!
Thank you for EVRYTHNG!

LOL!this post sounds so depressing,as if im going to die sey..haha!jkjk.

2009-04-21T02:54:00.000-07:00

psst!

I WANT TO GO TO SINGAPORE

SCIENCE CENTRE!

gosh,i feel nerdy right now but who cares..

2009-04-13T03:17:00.000-07:00

OMFG!its been so long since I've listened to SAOSIN(!)
I love to listen to rock/screamo etc. songs during my lower sec years & its sad that I almost forgot bout the feakin' awesome band(in my opinion).Thank GOD for YouTube.
Listen to Seven Years by SAOSIN.(try the acoustic version if you hate screaming-your-bloody-head-off type of songs)

have you heard of

INCUBUS?!
they're more calm than Saosin but still,I love their songs<3
plus,the singer has a high cheekbone(which i think it is one of his best features)
RANDOM!

& my most favourite band EVER!

Dear Whoever is more of a emo band but I dont care if they're emo/punk/goth/gays/pedophile etc. their songs are good WITH SCREAMOs.

Some people can be so stereotype you know,when they hear screamo/emo bands.Their first thoughts are people who cut their wrists and thinks of committing suicide 24/7.HELL NO! hear beyond the screaming.You might hear their feelings.Sometimes,when they scream,you can feel the sense of yearning from their voices.Relate it to their lyrics and WAHLAH! you get an awesome screamo song filled with emotions and lyrics that you might ponder about for quite some time.
try listening to Dear Whoever-Forever and Here on After(my all time favourite song)

Lately,I've been listening to diff. genre but some other bands like Enter Shikari and Gothminister(which i found out this year).

So people,screamo bands are not only people screaming.They have deep lyrics too you know..

2009-04-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

so many things going on this week..
SS,History,Maths,English,Chemistry,Physics and Malay test all crammed up in 4 days..
But Im really HAPPY because I finally passed my Physics.Thank GOD!
Im not confident bout my maths and malay though..

anyways,heard from friends that IFCarnival was horrible.No comments bout it,I just want to say that I've tried to help as much as I can.wdv.
While the class was 'having fun' at the carnival,we NPAP people we really having an awesome time during training.
Its just sad that we only left 2 more trainings before the actual parade.I dont wish for it to end.
Im going to miss NPAP terribly.

yesterday,we had an awesome time with the area 9 games day and we won!a great way to end my 4 years in npcc(:
so aft that we all went to slack and talk bout when we're sec 1s and all,oh bittersweet memories..

and everythings is finally coming to an end,how depressing is that..

2009-04-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

no matter how hard i try,

for all the times i tired to hide my true true feelings,

i just can't help myself but to cry

to feel lonely and never feel sth special.

i've never been lucky.

2009-04-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

dear AIFQAH(http://www.dearafiqah.blogspot.com/)
If you are not happy with how we SI and NCOs deal with your discipline,come and talk to us.No point venting your anger at us in your blog cause you wont get anything in return.Talk with us,give us suggestion on what you and your squad feels a better disciplinary action for you guys are.
No point posting "I despise high rankers" cause in a year's time,you are going to be a high ranker too.So are you going to hate yourself?unless you want to quit NPCC.Well I feel that if I want to go to a course that I want in poly,the CCA points will help me alot,so don't do stupid things.
I dont care if you hate me or not,if your squad's attitude is not there,WE will take disciplinary actions.
and for your information,we have gone through the same thing as what you guys are going through.Dont complain lah,look at the sec 3s,they are going through worse punishments.People bleed,get blisters and stuff,get used to it.Im used to it,my seniors scold me,I listen and reflect.Yes,i get angry but I understand why they scold me.
Im talking sense here so do reply with a little bit of maturity can?

2009-03-31T01:42:00.000-07:00

I dont know what to do,

Im not sure of what to feel these days.

Im quite confused at this moment of time.

I want to smile and make everyone around me happy,

i want to make them laugh at my lame jokes and giggle at small

talks that we share.

Yet,

I just want to be alone in my room and think.

Think about the possibilities.

there's always Ups and Downs in anything,family,friend,relationships(HAKKTUI!!)

anyway,as long as we go through it without anger it will go fine.we just need to remember that balancing everything is important.it can be very hard but this is life(unless you are really anti-social lah.)

but i just want to say is,no matter where you go or who you go with..i'll be there for you if you need help.I'll try my best to be there for you.

Anyway,both my home teachers were quite worried about me these days.Usually they will say

"everytime I see you,you always seemed to be in a daze.Are you okay?"

and i'll go

"im fine,I always daydream so its normal.Go ask my friends,they even get irritated at times when I daydream"

FYI!sometimes when I daydream,I think about what i've done or other people's action(basically like a personal reflection.)

I think I should cut down on my habit,

I must not daydream,but to take ACTION!

I can't blame him for stealing my heart

but please give me back what you have stolen,

please i beg of you,

unless you want to keep it in a mahogany box,

i need it to carry on with my life.

2009-03-28T04:06:00.000-07:00

i think im going to be sick,
training yest was pure torture under the hot sun and i swear,PRSS flag is the most irritating flag ever!
so we left 4 more training before the real parade and IM REALLY SAD):
im gonna miss tons of people man,it reminds me of last years ndp(but ndp's food was much more awesome)
anyways,I can't wait for nxt sat!

today,went for the Awam Belanga concert and it was worth it,
very humourus(:
i want to go for more of this such shows..

2009-03-24T00:11:00.000-07:00

i get very stubborn when I'm sad,i just can't help myself but i know i must change this habit of being stubborn.
thank you for your advice,i guess you two must be lacking of saliva after debating with me about the situation.I just can't help but to feel guilty for being selfish and not letting others a chance,to say that THAT person is also selfish for getting everything.I too feel like I'm the one who wants everything and not giving anyone a chance.
The thing is,I'm just worried that they might change my place because he's of higher ranking than me.It does not seem 'correct' when a staff Sargent is the main whereas the SIR is a reserved right?
argh!*slaps myself*

now I'm not a saint,but I'm not a sinner

2009-03-23T05:22:00.000-07:00

this was a totally unfortunate event that happened to me and It kept me thinking for quite some time,
basically,I wanted to buy a conditioner at some shop which my bro said that they sell hair products at a cheap price.Turns out the conditioner was super-duper expensive(okay,im exaggerating at this point BUT it was still expensive okay!trust me on that)

NOTE TO SELF:never seek brother's advice on which shop sells the cheapest hair products.

back to the story,there were only two customers at the shop during that time and it was me and this lady.So I noticed that the salesgirl was really nice and polite to the lady,but when it came to me.She gave me the omgwtf-kind-of face,what a DOWN RIGHT WHORE!(okay,maybe not.I just want to exaggerate on how mean she was to me ):
she even 'slam' my conditioner on the table,I gave her a polite 'thank you' but she just ignored me!

So my experience was quite similar to what Mr Lokhman experience too and it made me agree more to what he said(I just wish i could remember what he said)

So Ms Salesgirl,are you trying to imply that you only treat rich people nicely?because the lady before me was kinda rich and wore those 5-inch heels and walk like some tranny..
Okay,maybe her first thought of me was im some maid or foreign worker(NOT! THOSE KIND OF PROSTITUTE WORKER!) with tied up hair and 3-quarter shorts that made me look like im some poor skinny girl & thats why she treat me like some dog..
YOUR HEAD LAH!it does not matter if I look foreign or not,you as a salesgirl should be polite to ALL your customers,if im a foreigner from Australia,would you still treat me like a dog?
Hey,don't look down on people lah(I can look down on you though cause you're kinda quite short for a mid-twenties girl),
& dont think that I look like some indon girl I can't understand your body language.
Haiz,if only i were to act like Mr Lokhmam.I would be all diva-ish and call out her manager,in the end I would get a discount on my next purchase..HAHA!good plan ey..
Nevermind,I give her chance(:
Plus,I dont want to waste my saliva just to debate about some short tranny who treats some people like dogs.She's just jealous that I look better than her without make-up(positive thinking helps me alot in this situation)
& she needs tons of foundation to make her look "chio"
HAH!please,CHIO!dont make me laugh..

no offence to those people who might get offended,you guys are awesome(: !

2009-03-22T02:09:00.000-07:00

haha!umbrella expert..

2009-03-19T05:16:00.000-07:00

High Rope Challenge a.k.a ATF was..
AWESOME shit!
especially the Flying Fox and Dangle(?) Duo,even though the scars from the rope burn is visible and painful.
I had loads of fun,even crapping with Faiz,Helmi and the rest was awesome..
OH! and I found out sth about R.J..nyahaha!

2009-03-18T03:23:00.000-07:00

its all in the past,
im not saying im over it..
i just saying that whats in the past is in the past & i can't change it..
but its all in my hands to make my own future..

2009-03-16T00:48:00.001-07:00

note to self:
never play with a hunter..
):

2009-03-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

Im really sorry for being all quiet and such.
I can't help myself for being moody over something I vow never to do or feel.I just hate myself for feeling like this..
gomenasai..

i'll miss you so good,
cause we're not special
well i'm not special..

2009-03-14T21:52:00.000-07:00

Some people are really REALLY hard to understand,sometimes they can be the most awesome person to be with.Other times they can be a mean bitch!I wonder,are they lacking of attention?I think they are..PATHETIC LOSER!

ehem* pardon me,
many unfortunate things has been going on in my life,growing up can be hard MOST of the time.Schools,Family Problems,Friends,CCA,Relationships & Love,Money etc.
i can't wait to grow old and frail..(maybe not)

These days I've been looking forward to NPAP trainings,even typing about it makes me feel all nervous inside,butterflies-in-my-stomach kind of feeling.HEHEHE!*slaps face*
okay..its been quite some time since im like this.

& im still having butterflies in my stomach,or mabye its gastric?

2009-03-13T20:51:00.000-07:00

she swore to never fall in love,all of a sudden she got the feelings for someone.she kept wondering why is she feeling like this.Isn't the terrible heartbreak that happened two years ago enough for her?why is she like this,how pathetic could it be.why is she hoping for something even though in the end nothing would happen?

such a stupid,pathetic girl she is.

when you see my face,hope it gives you hell

gives you hell.

2009-03-02T00:35:00.000-08:00

now im chilaxing at syaza's house and now the room is't cold like 10 mins ago):
& ATTENTION please! i wont be blogging as much now due to my motherboard(gone case liao)
so i can't use the com for maybe a few weeks,i dunnoe.
To bad for me..

2009-02-24T02:26:00.000-08:00

am I being very consistent in my work?
im quite worried now,I must not break the vow.

people changed,yeah duhh!but do we need to change?why can't we stay as who we are now?
oh whatever..
anyways,malay oral was totally not fawesome.i bet the teachers was trying her hardest to not laugh.
my hands are still trembling.maybe its because of the rain..
im really hungry right now..

& I noticed that calvin is in the same class as me since P1 so this year is our 10th YEAR in the same class!!!wah piang!!*praying that he won't go same course as me*
what are the odds,going to the same school,to the same class.haizx
SO SUPER UPER UPER!*very sarcastic*

2009-02-21T02:14:00.000-08:00

He has every reason to throw up his fists.In the face of his God who let his mother die.Through all the prayer and tears she still passed in pain anyway.Now you think of saying.There's no use in praying,still he bows his head so he can say,"Thank you for ending her pain."

supernatural.

2009-02-20T06:10:00.000-08:00

if i were that person,i would take 2(!) badminton rackets and whack the hell out of that boy.You friggin violated that person's privacy for goodness sake!so stupid and VERY immature!
i dont feel safe,even in toilets anymore):

prelim orals was FAWESOME! I read fluenty and loud,has a few mistakes but it was not that omfg horrible..the picture for the picture discussion was reallyreallyreally CUTE!!it depicts a few 1 year old babies having a crawling competition..awww!
so had the conversation and it was about taking care of a baby,the teacher said that I will be a good mother in the future..
-,-''

okay..i dont think so,i want to get a PHD first before getting married(if i want to though..)
had npap training today and i was only looking forward for the goodie bags at the end of training.
they give you kit kats,milo and most importantly TISSUE!(very ex you know tissue nowadays..)
coincidentally other ndp mates are all in GOH,how fawesome is that!

ohoh & you know what! joe yi is secretly competing with me in academics cause of what happened yesterday,like omfg! lah.What did i put myself into!
im tired,i feel like sleeping but listening to "amaranth" makes me feel like baggin' my head and bitchslap those fugly people you know..

2009-02-19T04:57:00.000-08:00

yea,do mind my attitude today during lessons..
the shirts is omfg expensive for me and joe yi is being a big pain in the ass!
& thats why i was being bitchy during chem..i think the whole class heard my rantings.Other than that,I have to copy all of the mcq questions for Physics 8 times!knn!it was an honest mistake okay,
& xinyu was being suicidal today,accidentally cutting her pinkie(?) and blood was dripping all over the floor!!
upon seeing the blood,it didn't affect me like normal..luckily i did not see how she cut her finger cause IM SURE I will be sent to the hospital,not her..
even sherman was feeling nauseated when seeing the blood..SHERMAN OKAY!!
okay,im feeling less fawesome than before cause tmr is the day...

2009-02-17T00:33:00.000-08:00

i still love you truckloads!so dont worry,its hard to balance the see-saw but everything will turn out fine..

nobody wants to tag along with me to do the 'thing' except fauzi(dont think funny horr!).so its me and him then..
I think my weakness is Trigo and Bearings,yea kinda pathetic when suhaila can get 29/30 whereas i got 10 marks lesser than her.PATHETIC lah,omfg!
& i think Art has been fawesome lately cause i've almost finish two boards,some of the pics did'nt take up much of my time except that friggin' bird i shade which took up 2 hours of my life(lol!)

and the shading is like very fugly and all..

on the other hand,ms rokiah has been approving most of my artwork for the boards.Either she's too old to really see the artworks or am I too talented..?
I'll go for the second one :D
ehem..

okay,one last chance..do you guys still wanna tag along for the 'thing'?
YES or YES?

It’s not the tree that forsakes the flower
But the flower that forsakes the tree
Someday I’ll learn to love these scars
Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words
-bye bye beautiful

2009-02-16T00:11:00.000-08:00

sometimes people just dont how hurtful it is to be treated like that,
I HATE it when I ask people questions and they just ignored me,it feels as though im so 'nerdy'.
Do you like it when you wanted to ask a question and the person just keeps quiet or went away, as if you're invincible?
I've encountered that everytime..I feel kinda pathetic.
and whenever its recess time,its seems like the table is getting more spacious..
nothing seems the same anymore..

2009-02-15T00:58:00.000-08:00

I feel as though im getting more mature,from my actions to my decisions..

thats good right?

2009-02-14T05:50:00.000-08:00

from previous outing..

my mom is one feisty woman,she wont go down until there's blood!im not lying..

so today went out with sya,syaka,dan,eddy and iskhndar..basically we followed syaka and dan shopping,we crap alot and i found out that dan has ALOT of pick-up lines.hilarious!
went home with eddy and talk to faat bout some stuffs..
talk to my mother bout it and now she's sort of furious..jengjengjeng!

i dont think i'll be sleeping soundly from now onwards..
& good luck to me..

2009-02-12T00:55:00.000-08:00

I wish to be more caring to the ones I loved,no matter what happened in the past
I wish to let all my insecurities evaporate from my life
I wish to really wake up and study really really hard to achieve something

Do you wish to be invincible
Do you wish to rule the world
Long before you even think of this
You must learn to rule yourself
gothminister.

2009-02-10T00:10:00.000-08:00

common test are finally over and I'm very confident that i will flunk my History):
honestly,I'm in denial.I may look normal outside but whenever i think bout that 'thing' i just can't help but feel tremendously sad over it.I feel so stupid for being sad over a piece of 'cloth'!its just so stupid..darn it!i think I'm having mood swings..
& he/she is being a total bitch lately...(:
you know you love me!

2009-02-07T02:50:00.000-08:00

I'm furious right now.

some people are really immature,thanks to YOU guys out there I'm getting frustrated!

2009-02-06T05:48:00.000-08:00

he's so much more hotter than mr low! :D

npap was fine,i got stomach ache before the parade and it was HELL!
im getting tired of teachers telling us that they are losing hope with the class,i understand that we are not the most pleasent class to teach but hey,some of us wants to study and we can't do that without the teachers.you guys keep saying that they are giving up,how bout us?
and yea,even fierce looking girls are fragile and lonely inside...-,-''

All the words are gonna bleed from me and I will think no moreAnd the stains coming from my blood tell me go back home..

2009-02-03T01:01:00.000-08:00

We would live forever, but God needs you more than I could ever

its shocking,like Gaia is crumbling..but she's strong,
how i wish i could be like her..

okay,so today had mt common test..
like omfglolknncbbbqwthlmao!then had maths and I got 28/35 for my manipulation of algebra!
gomenasai if I sound like im boasting but Im really proud of myself(:
it goes to show even a girl like me who failed horribly for maths during sec 1 and 2,can pulled up her socks and improve!
& dont worry, this is just a mock test so we got a second chance!but please dont curse me and make me fail(:
after that had english which we practice for our prelim orals..
she sells seashells on the seashore,the shells she sells are seashore shells.
by the end of the lesson,majority of the tables in the class were wet with saliva just because of that(!) sentence.
had history and WAS TRYING REALLY hard to concentrate,but gave up after half an hour.Aft that had 20 mins of social studies remedial for tmr..
quickly changed and had a photoshoot..kay,im done!

2009-02-01T02:11:00.000-08:00

there's no point for me to be sad over something small.thanks to my mom and bro for the morale support and advice.They were really REALLY hard on me about it but I understand why they did so.
Now,I don't really care anymore.Even though i worked hard for the past 4 years,It did not happened.

3 years of hard work,what a joke!

I might say that,honestly those words are only for people who demand others to notice their hard work and MUST get rewarded.
Im not that person,after that 3 years.I made new friends,appreciate my close friends even more.I achieved things that I never thought I might achieve by being honest and people notice that. I respect people and vice versa. I dont just "show" my talents only when "big" people are looking at me.I do it because I have the passion unlike some people who do it for their own selfish needs.

sorry for this but,
BRING YOU BIG ASS HEAD BACK DOWN TO EARTH!

Life is unfair because there are such people who make life miserable.BUT(!)I thank them because they made me stonger emotionally. Lets just say I used those a**holes as a stepping stone to my bright future and when im satisfied I make them realise that they are the weaklings not me.Who says Im not evil?
Yes I've been tolerating this few people who always filled my minds with negative thoughts.Two words for you guys...FUCK YOU!

2009-01-28T02:43:00.000-08:00

Don't come to my blog if you readers want to know my opinions on CNY,
just one word:hilarious.

after that went off to SWENSENS at airport to have a AWESOME lunch cum dinner.liyana and I felt kind "extra" with the rest due to sth2 but its alright.I had fun and I got to know more about those lovelies,especially Hazirah.Damn(!) I thought she was the quiet type, I was totally wrong..
aft that went back home and manage to revise on maths and chem,I still don't understand what the heck Mr Abdillah is teaching us.Gotta ask someone about chemical equation on acids and stuff tmr... -,-"

2009-01-27T04:33:00.000-08:00

I'm tremendously exhausted from today,somebody gave me a second chance and I thank the person for doing so,everyone makes mistakes.
Art has been supercalafragelisticexpialadousciously great!
Ms Rokiah accepted my mind map and sketch of a bird(which took me 2 hours to shade and stuff!).
Now I need to paint feathers for the research which I absolutely hate!
I've search for my Artist research which was troublesome but manageable.
I've studied a few chapters on Physics and still completing my own summary of chapter 1 of history.Im feeling very satisfied with what I've done.

P.S even rock songs are beautiful!

I'll save myself for you and the memories..

2009-01-23T02:58:00.000-08:00

its been really hot these pasts few days and waiting for the bus for at least 20Min's with your bags can be torturing.
of course we passengers will be pissed cause the bus is slow and such,but think of it.the driver might be driving since 6 in the morning.
one auntie scolded the driver saying "I've waited for the bus for 30 Min's!so slow!"
the driver talked back,i would do that too..
another man(maybe her son) shouted him to "just drive lah"
i got irritated,what that man said was really insulting.He said it in a way as if the driver was the slave,well HELLO! can you god damn pity the man who is driving!at least he is sending you to your destination.he has the authority to not let you in okay!
and to that woman,you are not the only one who waited for quite some time!we students waited with bags and books and you just carried a plastic bag,we passengers were angry but did you hear us complaining?just shut up and move in.
call me disrespectful i don't care because i give respect to adults who deserve the respect!

one article in the newspaper said about teenagers being rude and not giving seats to those who needs it more,that's the minority.Even middle aged adults wont give up their seats,they just depend on us is it?So what if you are in your 40s,you still got arms and legs right?Then you want to blame us for not giving up our seats,please look at yourself first?You should at least take initiative for goodness sake,not sit there digging your nose and depending on us to do so even though the elderly is standing nearer to you.Singaporeans these days.

i get irritated by people who sulk,FYI..

2009-01-22T04:48:00.000-08:00

i understand,people change.but I dont understand is why aren't you accepting the fact that you have changed?we were close when we were young,now we have drifted apart.

OMG!my bro is getting fairer by the minute,CURSE him!i shall not compliment him bout his skin tone cause he might get too proud and boast it to others.
My little bro,on the other hand is getting fatter(thank god!) after bibi went back home,he wont eat and seemed depressed.The scary thing is we could feel his ribcage,GASP!Luckily bibi didn't chase me out of the house becuase that LITTLE BRAT became anorexic
& fyi,he's going to school next month!*jumps around like some mad woman*
aww,aint he cute?that little boy has all grown up!mcm phm..

oh btw,check this hilarious vid!

Im a tree!birds and squirrel roam on my arm and the sun gives me power to grow!

2009-01-21T01:41:00.000-08:00

i wonder if you ppl still read my blog?
anyways,I've been motivating myself to STOP watching TV or going online and do something constructive.THANK GOD! I've changed for the better.
the class has improved,no more staying back during recess or after school,there were occasional nagging and scoldings but i've seemed to have a humongous glob of earwax thats help me block out those useless n&s.(just kidding bout the earwax)
been revising history and FINALLY(!) understand one chapter,well its a start.Got to practice on Manipulation Of Algebra and Graphs!

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light

2009-01-20T06:04:00.000-08:00

im exhausted and confused

2009-01-17T05:10:00.000-08:00

i had fun goin out with sya,syaka,dan,iskandar and eddy..the costumes we put on were super-duper hilarious!i can't get enough of it.
i want to make my own ice blended banana and caramel someday!
sadly my mom spoiled my mood,sorry guys..
and Happy Advance Bday to EDDY!
-,-''

i was guided here by the spirit's hand.

2009-01-15T04:32:00.000-08:00

"do you believe god is listening?"
"god is always listening"
"but does he always hear?"
Bloodline

2009-01-11T00:12:00.001-08:00

More Web knick-knacks? Go to http://www.happeepill.com/

"i dont care anymore"

2009-01-09T04:47:00.000-08:00

when I got home,my mom told me this

"Rayyaan(my lil bro) said that you saw a pontianak on the tree infront of the hdb flat"

I've never seen "things" before so what he's saying might be bull feaces to you guys but I did dream of a pontianak yest night and it was chasing me.So how did he know?
Im not strong in my religion and unfortunately my room is nearest to the door to my house so i guess i have to bear with it or start opening the holy script and pray till the sun rise and the thing vanished into the stars..

other than that,I feel that this week turn out well.Classmates are improving and they are not too rowdy.Im also motivating myself to revise everyday and praise god for I have done so without any temptations to watch television(other than watching SMALLVILLE..GASP!)and Im very happy to say I climb up the NP hierarchy and became Vice-Chairman,praise god for my chances!next stop..SI!

I'll also joining NPAP this year so another parade under my belt,after that I wont be contributing much to NPCC and finally step down...NOOOO!!

actually its been a very long ride and i've made mistakes along the way,yet through those running and pumpings.I became stronger physically and mentally.Im seriously going to miss those very bittersweet moments..

im terribly SORRY!im so sorry!

2009-01-08T03:12:00.000-08:00

honestly its incredulous that Physics lesson was interesting,GASP!
Mr Leong was not scolding us every minute,he was humorous,ANOTHER GASP!
like what a little bird said to me, what you did in the past is in the past.

so followed jcxy,lee and sparkles(HAH!sparkles!!) to do some shopping at Cotton On!ni case budak baru dapat nets can anytime keluarkan duit.unfortunately I was fickle minded so I did not buy anything,due to the omgsuperberatnakmampus* slingbag I got mood swings and I had to wait for them to pay for their stuff and I was very sleepy so...

omgsuperberatnakmampus* slingbag + waiting at least 20mins for them to check out the stuffs + sleeping mode kicking in = one grumpy chio bu
haha!

but in the end they treat me to a Flat Choc 'n' Chip Cake and Chicken pie,HEHE!thats my salary for following them.I should follow them MORE!haha!

so tmr's there's NPCC,I feel so excited and you know why..CAUSE WE'RE SEC 4 and we can slack while they run here and there..YES!!

okay,i've made my decision to not make my blog private,dont ask me why..GO TAG LAH!

translation(from english+malay to singlish)
omgsuperberatnakmampus= wah liao! my bag damn heavy lehh..

2009-01-07T03:18:00.000-08:00

Okay,
HAPPY 17th BDAY bro!!

after school,Mas treat us Seoul Garden and it was NICE,too bad i had to go to the toilet twice due to stomach aches..
after that she bought us Famous Amos!
and xb's going to ns.oh yah!
i shouted to a Bee yesterday,I dont know why?
i remembering shouting to the Bee "im NOT in the mood lah"..haha!

2009-01-06T04:27:00.000-08:00

im in denial for quite a long time,its been a quite some time since i've shed tears whenever there was a sudden blow in the family.i guess i've become stronger and i've learn to face all my challenges with a straight face and show no weakness..

on a brighter note,i've just finish this omfg-so-sweet-until-i-can-melt-sungguh-ROMANTIC story book..
it friggin damn romantic lahh!!!!!
the ending is like AWWWWW!!
but its TOTALLY FAKE!
well,a girl can dream bout that kind of fate once in a while right?

2009-01-05T05:52:00.000-08:00

first day of school was not that bad,im quite confident that i wont be depressed because the class is too noisy for me to concentrate.
Mdm Rokiah made me feel motivated to do art,can't say i've been doing well in my art lately.
i recalled Mdm Doreen Sim told me that i got into an art class cause i got an A for my art and NOW i got a U-grade,how pathetic..
so im going to turn over a new-er leaf with my art,im not goin to do paper cutting.I'll be doing fashion design instead.(like omfg!heehorr!)
Im feeling better than last year.There is no tense atmosphere anymore and to add with this happy feeling a huge burden has been lifted off from my shoulders and to mathuri's shoulders.muhahaaha!
sadly there was no passing-on-the-key-to-the-unluckly-new-chairman ceremony..instead Haickel happily dig his nose with it,HAHAHHA!nahh just joking.
BUT my seating arrangement is HORRIBLE,infront of me is haickel and behing me is malek!!!
knncbcbcbcbcb!

2009-01-04T01:08:00.000-08:00

apologies for not updating,got no mood too.
i bought a deodorant today,and whats so special bout it.It helps whiten your skin!
so imagine me using it for at least 3 months,my armpits will be damn white BUT the rest of my skin is still tanned..
-,-''

I will persevere until my will disappears.
skip beat

2009-01-01T03:34:00.000-08:00

you gave me miles and miles of mountain
and i'll ask for the sea

2008-12-31T02:16:00.000-08:00

OMIGOSH!i cannot tahan anymore,
I need my "heroin" to make me feel as ease.
I NEED MY ICE LEMON TEA!!
if only i know the person who invented this WONDERFUL concoction!!!!
i would hug him/her tightly and ___________???
CIP was BORING!
same old same old,it looks like me,aisyah and chloe are the only ones
that our hairs are not dyed..
but who cares..

2008-12-29T06:14:00.000-08:00

i did not expect myself to like someone so randomly,
but of course it turned out sad..
dont EVER talk to me bout love and relantionships,
im VERY unlucky with it..
im invincible.

"someday you'll find your guy" thats what I said.
bullshit!
how stupid of me.

youtube is being f**king strict with all these violation bullshits!

2008-12-28T06:18:00.000-08:00

for me,what i learn from this year's ups and downs.

i learn to love myself first before loving others,

cause if i were to love others first before loving myself.

those whom i love so dearly will turn out to be the ones i hate the most.

2008-12-27T05:12:00.000-08:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! why does it have to end!*starts crying and screaming.
the manga was sweet and very humorous,all 151 chapters makes me laugh until my stomach hurts *to add with the flu + headache.

next manga would be..

plus the anime is showing on OKTO! every friday!!
i feel like a happy 5 year old girl excited to go to the ZOO!

2008-12-26T04:15:00.000-08:00

im confused,
i don't understand why people have this organisations where they promote bout self-confidence and "every woman is beautiful" motto when every single year without fail they would organise the Miss World pageant.
WOW!thanks for making me feel beautiful and suddenly when we watch tv,there goes men whistling away to girls in bikinis with to-die-for body -,-''
are you trying to make us feel beautiful or become anorexic?
what is the point of having these beauty pageants every year?
what will the outcome be?men satisfied after looking at all those hothotheat women and us normal females become more low self-esteem..well thanks for that,we will surely like to waste 2 hours of our time every year to see beautiful women walking here and there.
im hungry..

way back when we were stupid,and held grudges just to help us sleep..
omg how ridiculous were we?

2008-12-24T22:49:00.000-08:00

i never thought boys could have cravings,turns out they do..
after waking up from his afternoon nap,my lil bro started screaming for pizza, I crave for chocolates,octopus balls or Tao Kae Noi seaweeds but for HIM!!! pizza gets him crazy,in the end he ate 4 slices of pizzas! my max is 2! at least he is full and quiet.do you know that my lil bro is manerexic after my maid went back to indon..well not exactly manerexic but he rarely eats anything..and you can see he ribcaje!I bet you when my maid comes back to Singaopore,she will be scolding me because i did not feed him well..

key shut up aqilah,this is so stupid and random.. -,-'''

2008-12-23T03:15:00.000-08:00

went through justin's deviant and there's something caught my eye

ehem,masita surely blush if she sees this:P

and the best one

OMG!so unglam lah..
where the hell did he took this pic!!
luckily its small..
surely no one wants to buy this print..
his photography are nice and it make me feel like i should
take up photography..
-,-"

and i found this post very funny yet kind lame but its 100% unique

REMEMBER, if you want to feel the presence of ghost, give mr tating a ring. And if u wan tuition also give mr tating a ring. If u want to marry mr tating then give a diamond ring.

and another

Don't drink and drive. Don't smoke and sleep. Don't sleep and talk.Never look back. Let the past remain in the past. Move on and live life like a rocker. Don't take drugs. If you really must, call me and i'll join you

2008-12-21T22:51:00.000-08:00

woke up arnd 8 and quickly shower and went off to changi beach with my aunty and her family.
she's my psychiatrists which I dont need to pay monthly to visit.
walk with her and talk bout what im facing right now and other stuff,It feels like the load on my shoulder has been taken off.
im more happier(i think) and I think im ready to face any challenges that will come my way.

Did we all fall down?

2008-12-21T03:52:00.000-08:00

Meeting up with those two was heart warming,to feel lost and lonely and suddenly pulled back to reality was something I need.Talking to them and getting to know what they have done was nice,i can't help but feel a little insecure when im with them,HECK I feel insecure with anyone and everyone.

But im learning to motivate myself to become more confident bout what I am and not dwell on what im not.

I thank them for every small thing they have done for me.

The screaming of the earth and I can't help but listen.

2008-12-18T06:49:00.000-08:00

I had dreamt of a world that no one else could have seen
In the spreading darkness
I exchanged vows of revolution
Dreams turn into ideals
And I threw away everything that I didn’t need
Like the feelings that dwell in my heart
Still in the rift between reality and ideals
Even if my feet are bound by shackles of sacrifice
My overflowing impulse cannot be repressed because
I have a heart that yearns powerfully
Lies,Fear,Vanity,Grief,
I won’t be weak enough
To be apprehended by these forms of negativity
I am a trickster who knows no loneliness
Someday, I'll show you a brilliant world

2008-12-15T06:49:00.000-08:00

If necessary for my beliefs,and holy devotions,I am willing to
die,but for what I wonder,am I willing to live
The Lost Diary of Don Juan

2008-12-11T07:58:00.001-08:00

in random order..

Do you remember the week we spent at Cambodia.

The bowl of kangkong we were forced to finish.

The terrible stomach ache

Angkor Wat and Beng Melea.

The time we spent with the children there?

The Amazing Race Shopping.

"She's Coming,She's Coming!"

How about..

The time we are labeled Munshi!

Kayaking half of Pulau Ubin
Getting tanned.
The delicious and juicy oranges.
The oreos we had while kayaking..
Trekking a estimated distance of 20km with our 15 kg bag.
Sleeping outdoors.

"i get high when he's high" by sheu jing
VERY horny boys -,-"

i recalled

being late so many times(:
eating kfc for lunch and pizza hut for dinner EVERY training (for free)
the umbrella we could not use when its raining..
RJ,BAHAHAH!

and

the 3 day 2 night camp was super unique
3 Japanese,1 Philippine,1 Indian,1 Malay,6 Chinese were called Hose-A(hosey)
had a BBQ one the first night..
had a party and 'mosh pit' on the 2nd night.
learned Japanese..KENTARO!!haha~

remember the next camp we had

Huga-Shaga-Huga-Shaga-HEY YA!
We are Kanza,We are Kanza Hey YA!

We dont gain by winning,We gain by experience~

3am and 2 am..

We must remember..

polishing boots from 6 till 8pm..
the training under the scorching heat..
the new dummy rifles..
the No.1

oh and do you guys remember this sentence..

Your tentage is like an apple,beautiful outside but inside is full of SHIT! Sir Azrul,get well soon..!

remember the blisters on our hands,and the competition on who has the most blisters..(apparently helmi has the most,im second)
remember hammering that black rods on super dry ground and terribly muddy ones..
remeber doing push ups on the mud?
remember doing at least 40 push ups every training..

all these will always be in my memories.

Cambodia Service Learning Trip

OBS

NDP '08

International Friendship Camp

Supernova Camp

080808 Parade

Campcraft Training

Just as my fingernails are painted with the pigment from the basalm flowers,

my heart is painted with the teachings of my parents.

although the galaxies in the sky are countable,

the teachings of my parents are not.

shima uta- gackt.

2008-12-11T07:08:00.000-08:00

Twilight the movies is very dissapointing .Robert Pattinson does not fit to be Edward Cullen.I think Ed Westwick totally fits the role.

you can see how chiseled his face is,OMG!*running in circle screaming.Usually Vampires have strong features.HE totally pass that criteria.

he is more suitable to become Edward Cullen! such a pity):

I am the clown with the tear-away face
Here in a flash and gone without a trace
I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?"
I am the wind blowing through your hair
I am the shadow on the moon at night
Filling your dreams to the brim with fright

-This is Halloween

2008-12-05T02:26:00.000-08:00

happy bday BOYFIEE! (syaza bte kassim)
ily many many!i do hope you have a GREAT year ahead.
(:

been busy cleaning up my room,so many stuff from p6-sec 2.I found a pink diary which i usually wrote when i was 12..the pages were filled with so many funny memories.
so many duty neoprints and letters had to be thrown away,but i'll keep those treasured times in my heart.

2008-12-04T04:21:00.001-08:00

2008-12-04T04:03:00.000-08:00

so i was listening to miley cyrus's songs on youtube,i notice a few videos bout miley cyrus and selena gomez.being the slow blur girl,i did not know that miley dated nick jonas.Then they broke up and selena started dating nick jonas.
So now people are uploading videos bout miley vs selena and who should be with nick jones.
one party LOVES miley and HATES selena and vice versa..
so i got pissed with all these hooplas and then I ponder to myself
why are the people blaming the girls when they SHOULD blame nick jonas?
cause he is the one who broke up with miley and started dating selena?why should nick be the innocent person.
he SHOULD NOT have started dating another girl right after he broke up with his previous love?
in my opinion both of the girls are innocent,NICK IS GUILTY!

2008-12-01T21:32:00.000-08:00

IFC,HIT Course,SUPERNOVA.
finally, everything's done.
Im finally a Staff Sargeant but I dont think its worth it cause everyone got staff even though some just slack at np room.So whats the point of being a Staff right?
Supernova was okay,some people can be REALLY REALLY ANNOYING!(having moodswings at that time)
& its fun to make loads of new friends,but dont just prioritise your new friends,we dont need your donations..we want to know if you are sincere bout our friendship.
loads of outings coming up and im excited bout it.I really miss loads of people right now.

2008-11-25T00:08:00.000-08:00

tmrs Holiday Intensive Training course for NP,its going to be HELL this coming 3 days.
the best part is that I got two lectures which are

Lesson Plan(all bout doing good proposals)
Radio Communication(dunnoe what Sh*t!)

i was busy daydreaming during the R.C Lecture last year,THANKS HELMI FOR NOT TELLING ME!!!

Since i got two lecutures,I DONT WANT TO DO ANY MUSTER PARADE!!!!!!

hmph!IMY!!!

2008-11-23T03:10:00.000-08:00

IFC 2008 was AWESOME!!

the camp was at Camelot campsite,at first we were all complaining bout the place cause during our sec 3 camp,it wasn't that much of an awesome camp.
SADLY,we were seperated from each other.My group was alright,even though we are not that enthusiastic,we were not so bad either.
had dragon boating and telematch on the first day,sth happened to sushil which was so hilarious!
second day had the downtown rendezvous which was so much more easier than trekking at OBS.

& at night we had a PARTY!we were all dancing and screaming,it was the best..
on our last day we did area cleaning and painting and took loads and loads of pics,
im feeling sad now thinking bout our last time together as a group.i made new friends,learn new cultures and talk JAPANESE with my Jap group mate.
im missing everyone right now):

when will i see your face again?
thank you for making me smile with all my heart that day.
i will never forget what you did(:
could it be that daisuke?

2008-11-13T01:17:00.000-08:00

I gotta whole lot of love

But none like you

.You make me wanna stay

Here in heaven with you.

I'll write your name in the sand,

Put your hand with mine.

Come on baby,

Shoot your gun in the sky!

my identity got stolen..pfft!sibuk jerr...

2008-11-11T04:36:00.000-08:00

locking was so foreign to me..
haha..
i was dead stiff!